It is a story that breaks hearts and forces us to look inward. A grandmother, Deera Seepersad, took her own life just days after her 10-month-old granddaughter accidentally drowned in a swimming pool at her home. This tragic event, as explained by psychiatrist Dr. Varma Deyalsingh, is a stark reminder of the devastating power of public shaming and the complex layers of grief and trauma.
The Crushing Weight of Public Opinion
Imagine losing a child, or in this case, a grandchild, under your care. The guilt alone would be unbearable for many. Now, imagine that pain amplified by the harsh judgment of strangers on social media. Dr. Deyalsingh highlights that public shaming creates an intense feeling of humiliation and a sense of being completely cut off from society. When people on the internet, often without knowing all the facts, label someone as a criminal or morally bankrupt, they strip away that person's humanity and reduce a complex situation to a single, unforgiving moment.
Humans have a deep need to belong. When someone faces public condemnation, it can feel like a "social death." This feeling of being exiled is a significant risk factor for suicide. It is especially true for older adults, who may already be less likely to share their pain or suicidal thoughts with others.
When the Mind Distorts Reality
Under immense emotional stress, our brains do not always think clearly. Dr. Deyalsingh explains that thoughts can become distorted, leading to beliefs like "everyone hates me," "I will never be forgiven," or "my family would be better off without me." These are not rational conclusions but symptoms of a severe psychological crisis. The continuous negativity from online comments can worsen this already fragile mental state, acting as a significant stressor that contributes to suicidal ideation.
As Dr. Deyalsingh says, "Words matter. Public judgment compounds private despair. Silence, empathy, and restraint save lives." This powerful statement reminds us that our words, even online, have real-world consequences.
Traumatic Guilt and Moral Injury
Deera Seepersad's decision was not a sign of weakness, but rather an indication of psychological overload. When a child dies while under someone's supervision, especially a grandparent, the caregiver often experiences a unique and profound type of guilt known as traumatic guilt. This is different from ordinary guilt because it often involves the feeling of having failed in one's most fundamental duty: to protect a child.
The grandmother might have been tormented by thoughts such as, "I failed in my most sacred duty" or "if I had done one thing differently, the child would be alive." This can lead to moral injury, where a person feels they have violated their core moral values, even if the event was an accident. It leaves them feeling permanently condemned, not just responsible.
The Layers of Complicated Grief
In addition to everything else, Deera Seepersad likely experienced complicated grief. This type of grief involves intense self-blame, an inability to accept the loss, and a pervasive belief that life has lost all meaning. It is a grief that is layered and heavy, dealing not only with the loss of the child but also with the loss of one's identity as a protector. There is also the fear of blame from family and the anticipation of lifelong rejection. This combination can narrow a person's psychological vision, making it impossible for them to imagine a future where they could find forgiveness or peace.
A Call for Compassion
This heartbreaking story serves as a critical reminder of the importance of empathy and compassion, especially in our digital interactions. Before we comment or judge, we must remember that behind every screen name is a real person experiencing real pain. Our words have power, and choosing kindness can literally save lives. Instead of quick judgment, offering support, understanding, and a safe space for healing can make all the difference.
