It is a story that breaks hearts and makes us question the power of words. Deera Seepersad, a 55-year-old grandmother, died by suicide shortly after her 10-month-old granddaughter accidentally drowned in a swimming pool at her home. This tragic event was then compounded by a wave of public shaming on social media, which a psychiatrist suggests played a significant role in her decision to end her life.
The Crushing Weight of Public Opinion
Imagine experiencing the unimaginable loss of a grandchild. Now, imagine that pain being amplified by a torrent of negative comments and judgment from strangers online. This is the reality that Deera Seepersad faced. Psychiatrist Dr. Varma Deyalsingh explains that public shaming can create an intense feeling of humiliation and social isolation. When people are publicly condemned, their brains can interpret this as a “social death,” which is a known factor contributing to suicidal thoughts.
Words, especially online, carry immense power. They can strip away the complexities of a situation, reducing a person to a single, tragic moment and assigning blame without understanding the full context. Dr. Deyalsingh emphasizes that these negative comments can act as a significant stressor, pushing someone already in despair further into a crisis.
The Unique Burden of Traumatic Guilt
When a child dies under the supervision of a caregiver, especially a grandparent, it often leads to a specific and profound type of guilt known as traumatic guilt. This is not the same as ordinary guilt. Dr. Deyalsingh describes it as a pervasive feeling of having failed in one’s most sacred duty. Thoughts like, “If I had done one thing differently, the child would be alive,” can become relentless.
This kind of guilt can also lead to what is called moral injury. This occurs when a person feels they have violated a core moral value, such as protecting a child, even if the event was a terrible accident. This can make a person feel permanently condemned, not just responsible for the outcome.
Complicated Grief and a Narrowed Vision
The combination of traumatic guilt and public shaming can result in a form of complicated grief. This grief is not just about the loss of the child; it is layered with the loss of one’s identity as a protector, the fear of family blame, and the anticipation of lifelong rejection. This creates a psychological state where a person’s vision of the future becomes incredibly narrow. They may struggle to imagine a future where they can be forgiven or find peace.
Dr. Deyalsingh highlights that older adults, in particular, may be less likely to express their suicidal thoughts or burden others with their pain. This silent suffering, combined with distorted thoughts that “everyone hates me” or “my family would be better without me,” can be symptoms of an acute psychological crisis.
Our Collective Responsibility
Deera Seepersad’s death is a stark reminder that our words have consequences. In an age of instant communication and social media, it is easy to forget the human impact of our comments. Dr. Deyalsingh’s message is clear: “Silence, empathy, and restraint save lives.”
When we encounter tragic situations, especially those involving immense personal loss, it is crucial to approach them with compassion and understanding. Instead of immediate judgment, we should offer support and refrain from contributing to the cycle of public shaming. A moment of thought before posting a comment can make a world of difference, potentially preventing further tragedy and allowing individuals to navigate their grief in peace.
